It grows slowly over time
So slow, you can hardly feel it
Planted deep in fertile soil
The less it’s felt, the more it grows.
In time,
You begin to feel it’s weight
The heavier it gets, the more pain it causes
You can’t identify the source.
It feels like it’s embedded in your chest
Like a huge kettle-bell where your heart belongs
It’s lodged,
You can’t get it out.
So you tell yourself it’s not there
Learn to live with it; move on
But, somehow, another seed sprouts
A twisted vine is born…
It wraps itself around the source
Tightening as it grows
It’s like your chest is caving in
It gets harder to breathe.
The pain calls out to you
Do something! Anything!
But you waited too long
It won’t budge.
Both panicked and exhausted,
You break down
Cup your face in your hands
Rock, sob and plead with God…
Please, let it leave me.
After a while, I realize
The only chance I have of breaking free
Without it breaking me
Is to go back in time
To when I first gave it life.
In the face of fear
I scrape the open wound repeatedly
Until the bottom layers are exposed.
It hurts far worse getting open air
I wish to God I had just let it be….
We don’t keep secrets; they keep us.