Bye hon….
Bye Mom.
…Be careful driving!
I will.
Love you hon!
Love you too.
I listen…
As I lean up against the door
and wait for him to finish texting on his cell before he drives off.
I wait for him to pull away before I lock the door
in case he forgets something and needs to come back in, as often happens.
As I wait with my back to the door
Straight ahead is a picture of him when he was a toddler
A beautiful, laughing smile on his face
as he was holding a Christmas ornament in his hand.
It’s his favorite picture of himself;
I myself have many favorites.
I shake my head in disbelief at the irony…
We are on opposite sides of the door;
while my life is situated behind me
with memories of Matt growing up
It’s also ahead of me
as he is pulling away.
I lean between both worlds, teetering
not quite sure where to stand.
Not trapped; not stuck
more suspended in time…
I hear him as he drives off
I keep listening as his presence drifts away
Silence
Deafening silence.
In which direction do I turn?
Forward……backward?
I can’t seem to make a move either way.
After a while, I force myself to move my feet
I move toward the couch
Then plant myself on the same perch,
where I always lie in wait
for him to come home.
Written 05/06/2016
Peg, so much of what you have written expresses how I too have felt, but could never express as beautifully! Reading your poems is like taking a journey back through the memories of my own life – the bottomless love we have for our children; the profound sense of emptiness when a cherished loved one passes; the sense of confusion as we set free our children to start their lives as adults – you pray you did a good enough job that they can cope with what life throws at them and still be good people and grapple with the “what do I do with myself now?”; the hope we have at our children’s wedding that they find a lifetime of love and happiness.As we are the same age, your journey is the same path I walk – although we all have our own little detours. I too look in the mirror now and see an old woman, but take comfort in the fact that this vision is a merging of my young self and that of my cherished mother.
I thank you for your strength in putting yourself out there and sharing and look forward to reading many more of your poems. Keep it up, you are gifted and I am proud to call you friend.
Anne
OH my God Anne! You just made me cry! I am doing a lot of that lately I guess!! Lol!
No really, you have no idea how much that sentiment and validation means to me, and I am so much more honored to call you my friend!
Love you!
Peg